Aidan Birhanu Miller Robinson

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Missing Aidan

Our baby boy is 5 months old today. I can't believe it! Somedays I feel so close to him, like there's not an ocean dividing us, and other days its as if I'm living a dream and I'm afraid to wake up. I've prayed for this child so long that I'm having a hard time imagining that he'll be with us soon. I wonder what he's like. Does he have hair now (in his referral pics he was bald)? What's his personality like? Is he mild-mannered and laid-back or will he live up to his Leo (Lion) birth sign reputation (not that I've ever held much belief in those things)? What are his likes and dislikes? There's so much about this little boy that I need to discover.

As I know I've mentioned before, I've discovered something new about myself through this process. I am NOT a patient person. Waiting is difficult, but waiting without news is excrutiatingly painful. I want my little boy home! I want to know that he's healthy and happy, and not just have faith in these things, but to see them with my own eyes ( you think God might be trying to teach me something?). My little boy is halfway around the world and I'm not there to hold him when he cries or laugh when he does something funny. I'm not there to wake up in the night to feed him and cuddle him back to sleep or show him off to family and friends or even change his diapers- things that most parents take for granted and even complain about. I'm not there to do any of that. It hurts me to think of all that he has endured and will endure in his first few months. He's already had to endure the loss of his birth mother, then in a few short weeks, he'll move from the countryside to the city and leave behind the only caregivers that he's ever known (other than the brief time he spent with his birthmother)- two huge losses in his young life. As if that's not enough, then he'll have to leave those caregivers, his country, culture, language, everything that helps to define usas people to board a plane with strangers and head to a new home, with new family, culture, language, new everything.

While I'm waiting, I've been trying to keep busy. We are nearly finished with his nursery (not the Christmas Eve deadline we had hoped for) and are moving his furniture in today. I'll post pictures soon.

Our 10-year anniversary is tomorrow. Please God, some news of a court date is all that I want and hope for.

Our little boy is growing and I'm missing it all. How can I ever get this time back?

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